I've created this thread so we can discuss the story of SE, I’ve already made the intro and first tier main story. There are a lot of points that I haven´t covered at all, but I want to show what I´ve at the moment. I’ve made a new folder containing the Word file in the FTP, so you can check it out, and let me know what’s good and what needs to be polished. Also feel free to give your own opinion about the story or how we can improve it. In the next post I will quote what I wrote for the intro and the ideas I have, and I’ll do the same with the first tier.

Introduction One year ago, an important event happened in Cronos, mores specifically in the Dark Crucible, the future of this world was being decided. Baratus, the fighter, Parias the cleric and Daedalon the mage, faced the Serpent Rider named Korax, the demon that had heartlessly reigned as tyrant over his once proud world. The three of them contemplated the dark mass; it edged its way slowly across the chamber of stone seeing them with his red eyes full of anger. The legions of the monster started to appear to protect its master. Daedalon, the wisest of the three ordered Baratus and Parias to fight the monsters while he destroyed Korax. The three of them faced its challenge with honor and bravery, but at the end just Daedalon survived the fight. When he got back to the town he told the story to everyone, they were free of the monster, and they could get back to their peaceful lives. But Daedalon knew very deep within him that the monster could return, to protect the people of the town and Cronos itself he decided to continue with the 3 orders, he was the leader of the Arcanum order, Baratus’s brother was named leader of the Legion order and Parias’s apprentice was the new leader of the Church order. After a year of peace another threat is rising, rumors of a cultist group are being heard in the vicinity, its main purpose is to bring Heresiarch back to life, since they need him to help them unseal Korax´s mighty powers to conquer the land.

As I've told Firebrand, I would like the intro to be some kind of movie (not really a movie, but like the intro of Strife), I don´t really know if it’s a good intro, it didn’t convince me very much. But I’ll wait for your comments.

I will give some comments right now

just Daedalon survived the fight. When he got back to the town he told the story to everyone

There's no such thing as "just town". We've got the whole world of Cronos, which has a lot of cities, I believe. Or, at least, it had them before Korax strike. The City that is a central point of Scattered Evil, is simply one of the cities on continent, that survived total destruction in a relatively peaceful area of Cronos. So, perhaps you should say something like "when he got back to people", or change this piece somehow else. Alike, referings to "the town" below should be changed somehow. For example, you may mention that Daedalon found a place for rest near some city (we should give that city a name). [quote="Sahadia":384qavek]As I've told Firebrand, I would like the intro to be some kind of movie (not really a movie, but like the intro of Strife), I don´t really know if it’s a good intro Umm, two things... 1) This looks more like a journal entry, or text for manual. 2) To be completely frank, I had some ideas about introduction movie or cutscene for some time, but I did not think this question will be rised so soon; also Rolls shown a good example of what can be an intro movie. I want to tell my idea about the intro text, will try to make it fast.

Wow, I didn't expected a reply so soon, lol. [quote="Crimson Wizard":6c046lgt]I will give some comments right now

just Daedalon survived the fight. When he got back to the town he told the story to everyone

There's no such thing as "just town". We've got the whole world of Cronos, which has a lot of cities, I believe. Or, at least, it had them before Korax strike. The City that is a central point of Scattered Evil, is simply one of the cities on continent, that survived total destruction in a relatively peaceful area of Cronos. So, perhaps you should say something like "when he got back to people", or change this piece somehow else. Alike, referings to "the town" below should be changed somehow. For example, you may mention that Daedalon found a place for rest near some city (we should give that city a name). You are right; I’ll change it so it won’t be so specific.

1) This looks more like a journal entry, or text for manual.

Well, I thought that was the main idea of me writing, but if I'm wrong, and you want it to be deeper, I can add some more details about everything what happened.

2) To be completely frank, I had some ideas about introduction movie or cutscene for some time, but I did not think this question will be rised so soon; also Rolls shown a good example of what can be an intro movie. I want to tell my idea about the intro text, will try to make it fast.

It's all right, if you already had an idea for the intro, I don't have a problem with it, I just wanted it to be like in Neverwinter Nights when you start a chapter to have an intro movie.

Ok, I'll now post the first tier story

Tier 1 A new hero is needed to investigate the abandoned mines, once used to bring precious metals to make weapons and to sell to other regions, now, abandoned, due to the discovered evil portal which Korax’s minions used to come from another dimension to this one, it was magically sealed by the great Daedalon, once the miners told the town’s mayor about it. Town people say that the machinery that was used by the miners to dig has strangely begun working again; sounds of monsters can also be heard in the vicinity of the caves. After you find out what´s going on with the machinery, you realize that the monsters are guarding something in the caves; of course you don’t know right now that it’s the portal. You return to the town to report to your order leader, and he tells you that you need to look in Yorick’s temple (map 24 hxtera) that it will help you to find the way to the portal. When you solve the puzzle it opens the way to a cultist chapel (hexquake maps) you make your way through the chapel to be trapped in a maze (hexquake3) and to get out you have to face the first boss of the game. He will give you some item (that I haven´t thought about) that you will find in another map (map 23 agility).

One of the complicated things that I faced at first was that the mines have a lot of exits to the other levels in the tier, so it was difficult for me to think how I was going to divide the other levels for the story. Obviously the first action level of the game are the mines, the first time you visit this level it will only take you to the centaur caves (map 25, map01 of krull.wad), in there, you will find the machinery that the miners used for working in the mines, also you will see that the monsters were working inside the mines to build the cultists chapel, after that you’ll report your discoveries to the order leaders. They will give you a new assignment to find the help of Yorick the statue gargoyle, for this you go to the Yorrick temple (map 24, hxtera) so he can point you the way to reach the chapel, then a new path in the mines would open to take you to the chapel (the chapel it’s the 3 maps of hexquake, map 20, 21, 22), in there you will find the true intention of the cultists and that they have already begun the ritual to bring Heresiarch back to life. There was a hub of maps (zowehex) that I didn’t include in the story of this tier, and that can be used for side quests. I will try to think something for the side quests, but first I want to hear your comments about all what I’ve done. Please feel free to add your ideas, or to tell me what you don't like about it.

[quote="Sahadia":56o4u38s]

1) This looks more like a journal entry, or text for manual.

Well, I thought that was the main idea of me writing, but if I'm wrong, and you want it to be deeper, I can add some more details about everything what happened. Heh, looks like we misunderstood each other. What kind of intro are you referring to? You story is quite deep, that's what I meant when I said about a journal. I was thinking about some kind of expressive and more agressive intro movie/cutscene (like Strife's for instance). [quote="Sahadia":56o4u38s] I just wanted it to be like in Neverwinter Nights when you start a chapter to have an intro movie. Well, as I said above, I was referring to some general game intro, shown even before main menu. You intro could be shown/written just when player starts, as a new game introduction.

[quote="Crimson Wizard":g3aqwv9x][quote="Sahadia":g3aqwv9x]

1) This looks more like a journal entry, or text for manual.

Well, I thought that was the main idea of me writing, but if I'm wrong, and you want it to be deeper, I can add some more details about everything what happened. Heh, looks like we misunderstood each other. What kind of intro are you referring to? You story is quite deep, that's what I meant when I said about a journal. I was thinking about some kind of expressive and more agressive intro movie/cutscene (like Strife's for instance). Yeah we really misunderstood : lol:, maybe you are right, it need to be more expressive, but I think we can make it during development, I don't know if I explain myself. [quote="Sahadia":g3aqwv9x] I just wanted it to be like in Neverwinter Nights when you start a chapter to have an intro movie. Well, as I said above, I was referring to some general game intro, shown even before main menu. You intro could be shown/written just when player starts, as a new game introduction. Yeah, that's what I was meaning when I told the introduction part. And also I want to note that everything that I wrote it's very general, but if you say to me that I need to start writing dialogs and things like that, I'll gladly start doing it.

OK, here come my two cents <!-- s;) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/orc9.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s;) -->. First than anything, I like how this is turning out <!-- s;) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/orc9.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s;) -->, I agree with CW that the introduction part should be better written to the journal when starting the game, and that we need to write an introduction for the game, more proper to the settings of the story. Now, some comments on Sah's work <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/orc2.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s:) -->: [quote="Sah":zczeag6y]One of the complicated things that I faced at first was that the mines have a lot of exits to the other levels in the tier, so it was difficult for me to think how I was going to divide the other levels for the story. Obviously the first action level of the game are the mines, the first time you visit this level it will only take you to the centaur caves (map 25, map01 of krull.wad), in there, you will find the machinery that the miners used for working in the mines, also you will see that the monsters were working inside the mines to build the cultists chapel, after that you’ll report your discoveries to the order leaders. Up to this point I agree with what is written <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/orc2.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s:) -->. [quote="Then Sah":zczeag6y]They will give you a new assignment to find the help of Yorick the statue gargoyle, for this you go to the Yorrick temple (map 24, hxtera) so he can point you the way to reach the chapel, then a new path in the mines would open to take you to the chapel (the chapel it’s the 3 maps of hexquake, map 20, 21, 22), in there you will find the true intention of the cultists and that they have already begun the ritual to bring Heresiarch back to life. There was a hub of maps (zowehex) that I didn’t include in the story of this tier, and that can be used for side quests. I will try to think something for the side quests, but first I want to hear your comments about all what I’ve done. I think that we should make the cultists to wait for beginning the ritual, since it's too soon in the game, let's leave that for the 2nd tier, I prefer the idea of finding a powerful item to help in the next areas of the game <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/orc2.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s:) -->. Maybe the order leaders can give another clue on where to look for the cultists (or several ones, so that you have to go to different places just before you really find the cultists <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/orc2.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s:) -->). As for side quests, don't worry too much about those, we can develop any number of them IMO and they can be the last part we do in development, I would focus our work on working on the main path and balancing it enough, then work on the side quests, just to give enough help to the player, but without making things too easy neither <!-- s;) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/orc9.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s;) -->, those are my two cents.

I still do not understand who is supposed to be final boss (this question is not for Sahadia, but to RambOrc pimarily <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/orc2.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s:) --> )? Then, there are some cultists - what are they? are they corrupted people of Cronos, or someone who came to Cronos with Korax?

There seems to be a basic misunderstanding here - you work from the old SE design guide from 2003, which you should ignore. What you should do is read the new concept document from 2008, then check out the Hexen maps and hubs we have, get a feeling for them, then sit down and design a storyline. No tiers, no map progression, forget all that. We have a world that consists of many locations connected by a travel map. Just write a story containing chapters, then define the needed locations for those chapters (towns and dungeons). All locations not included in the story will simply be placed in the world, there to discover and clear out, they can be populated with sidequests or just plain old murder and mayhem. Technically, it is more optimal if you can pull a couple of the better-looking hubs and maps from the pool we have and place the milestones of your story in those locations, but you can also add all-new locations as necessary places to create for the game (the more of the first, the quicker we can build this part of the game of course). Since in FPS mode the travel on the travel map is very quick to traverse (no random attacks by mobs like in the RPG mode), the locations can be any distance from each other. p.s. End boss is the uber heresiarch, and there are MANY bosses all in all - maybe 5-10 during the main storyline, another even larger number in the rest of the dungeons. As for the cultists, who cares? <!-- s:P --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/orc4.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- s:P --> They wear a hood so you can't see their face anyway. <!-- s;) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/orc9.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s;) -->

In other words, Sahadia, don't stick to maps too much, and use your imagination <!-- s:P --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/orc4.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- s:P -->

OK, finally I get the idea of what you want, I will use what I've wrote already as a base, I will look at the other maps (because I haven´t seen them all) and I will write the storyline and repost the progress back. I have just a question, should all NPC's be human or can I create or use other races??

NPCs need to be human as Cronos is a human world, where seemingly there were only humans and animals before the invasion.

I have rewritten the 1st Chapter of the story, please tell me what you think of it.

Chapter 1 The city of Golden Valley, located in the nation of Cronos, one of the largest populated regions and where the 3 orders in charge of protecting the province are located. The Warriors order, called Legion, it´s members are trained in melee combat, it’s power is based in brute force, the Clerics order, called Church, it´s members are trained in healing and destroying evil, it’s power is based in spirit power and the order of the Mages called Arcanum, it’s members are trained in arcane magic, it’s power based in magic power. In the last months peace has existed in this nation, people have forgotten the last big fight against its enemies, but their enemies’ hadn´t forgotten their defeat and are preparing in the shadows… You are a new reclute (of course, depending of your order) that has finished their training, you´re ready for your first mission, the order leader tells you of reports of attacks that have been occurring to the merchant caravans that provide the city’s most important necessities for food and supplies, and you are told to investigate the matter. When you are headed to the plains town road, in the intersection a merchant caravan it’s attacked in front your eyes. You discover that there is a legion of ettin´s that are behind the attack, some of the wounded people that can help you with the task or tell you what did happened are unconscious. You get back to your order to report your findings, you are then told to investigate where the ettins hideout is (they are in the caves on the plains, located to the northeast of the city), inside the caves you find lots of ettins and you discover that they didn’t planned the attack, there is someone behind it, they can’t be that organized. When you get back to the city to make your report, you find out that the wounded people have waked up. They told you that in the Mazarino town (plains town) has been happening very strange things. You are told to go to the town and investigate it. In the side quests part of this chapter I’ve thought about some: Rita the Taylor, asks you to find his brother Edward that has been taken by the monsters (you find him prisoner inside the plain caves, if he gets back dead or alive it’s up to you). Joe the shopkeeper is a jewel collector, he asks you to find the midnight star (a type of jewel) inside the caves, he had ordered to be brought for him from faraway lands for himself, but thanks to the merchant caravan’s attacks, it’s been lost, you find this one at the end of the main quest. Another side quest is when Albert the butcher asks you to find his lost sheep’s, the shepherd kid that helped him disappeared completely with them, he says that he doesn’t cares about the kid, so he won’t have to pay him anything, he’s worried only for the sheep.

If you have suggestions or want to add something feel free...

Uhhh, too many things to comment... well, frankly at this point I do not care much about such small details as local people and their personal quests, more of what locations/factions main plot line mentions. I would like to notice few things though:

The city of Golden Valley, located in the nation of Cronos

Cronos is a world, not nation. It's the WHOLE world.

one of the largest populated regions and where the 3 orders in charge of protecting the province are located.

According to Hexen story, 3 orders were protecting all human society, not just some valley or province. By the way, I am not aware if you have the original Hexen story. If not you may download Hexen manual: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.replacementdocs.com/download.php?view.5397">http://www.replacementdocs.com/download.php?view.5397</a><!-- m --> I am saying this, because there are mentioned those details about three orders and world of Hexen.